Nascentes Morimur
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Contents |
Nascentes Morimur - Part I
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"You cannot quit me so quickly |
"What's wrong, Mommy?" Portia's fearful voice rises above the coughing wracking my form.
"Mommy is jus' nay feelin' well at t'all.. it will pass as it has before, " I reassure her quietly as I raise my cloth to pat my blood stained lips.
An if it doesn't? What then... what will become of the child?
I look up and see Lilian silently watching us from the doorway, her face void of emotion as always. Portia follows the direction of my gaze, her soft, silken skirt flaring with the sudden turn of her eight year old body. "Nana! Nana!" Portia runs over, her tiny hand immediatly capturing one of Lilian's in it's frightened grip, "Mommy is sick again." Portia turns and looks over at me, fear lingering in those ice blue eyes.
"Yes, Portia... I felt her pain. Why don't you go find your grandfather? I wish to speak with your mother for a short while."
Her grandfather will keep her safe... as he did for you.
"Will you make mommy feel better, Nana?"
Lilian pauses and looks down at Portia, her eyes studying the child's features for a moment. "I will try to make your mother more comfortable, " she responds quietly.
Portia purses her lips as if considering, nodding once and then running back to me. I can feel her warm hands wrap around me, squeezing my fragile body painfully and then whispering, "I love you, mommy..."
"I love ye as well, my lil' Portia, " her eyes smiling up at me with the affirmation , before turning and walking out the door and down the hall to Darker's study.
She will make a fine young lady someday, perhaps even a priestess... You chose her wisely.
I turn to meet Lilian's dark eyes, her eyes probing and strong in their attention upon me. "When did it start again, Alira?"
"Late last night, after I left the study for my room, " I replied.
"Have you kept anything down since then? " she inquired, one dark eyebrow raising questionly.
I shook my head, my mind silently recalling vividly the heaving as my body expelled the blood from my most recent feeding.
"I can give you something to sedate you, it will help keep the beast at bay until your sickness passes. Have you spoken to the child at all regarding her future?" Lilian begins to remove several vials from her bag, laying them in a predetermined order upon the nightstand near my bed.
"I 'ave nay... I keep hoping whatever is plaquing me will cease..." I replied, a drained tinge of hope in my voice.
"I do not see that occuring, your episodes are getting more frequent and each time more draining. I strongly suspect your body will not withstand the next attack, the child must be prepared, " Lilian spoke firmly as she began to mix the vials, the crimson liquid swirling with a almost hypnotic motion.
"I will talk tae her after I am well, the beast clouds my words an' mind. I wish tae be the one whom tells her, an' I wish tae beable tae do so thinkin' clearly."
"That is understandable, we only wish the best for her." I watch Lilian turn to me, a smile crossing her face for the first time in the conversation. "She will be in good hands, you have done well for the child. Drink this." Her hand extends toward me, offering a vial of dark red liquid.
"Thank'e for yer help with this, Lilian. I wish there was a way I could repay ye for yer generosity. If'n it was nay for ye an' yer father... I donnae know where Portia an' I would be now." I say sincerely, my hand taking the vial from her and bringing it to my lips.
"No thanks are necessary, Alira. Our payment will be the reward of seeing Portia grow up strong and safe within our family. I will treat her as if she were my own."
I tip the vial into my mouth, the liquid burning a firey path down my throat. I cough a bit, covering my mouth with my hand as I offer the vial back to Lilian's expectant hand. I climb into my waiting bed, Lilian's hands pulling them over my tortured form.
Rest well, Alira... await the space between...
Nascentes morimur - Part II
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"Will I hold you again? |
I can feel the drug begin to take effect, the tides of darkness flowing towards me. I know soon the dreams will come and stay with me until the drugs relinquish my body back to me. Lilian will keep me sedated until the sickness has past, the beast only rampaging in my dreams and nightmares.
My sweet, sweet Portia...
The throne room of Malar...
The flickering coals within the braziers... the black smoke contrasting against the white, polished marble of the reception room. I'm wearing my ritual hunting leathers, my body feels in it's prime once again.
The doors open...
My mother is entering, my brother walking slightly behind her.
I can feel the tears well up in my eyes as they walk towards me. My mother is so beautiful, the way her dark black hair kisses her waist as she walks, the way her raw silk gown clings to her, flowing over her thighs... how much I had forgotten just how beautiful she was. Her humming and that old familar lullaby echoing in my mind as she continues her confident walk towards me. She had the grace of a queen, her quiet presence was never overshadowed as she entered a room.
My brother smiles at me, his elven ears peeking out from between his silver hair. I remember how I used to look up to my older brother, to idolize as one might worship a young god. The secret days he spent teaching me to fight, teaching me to ride a horse, defending me against the kids who used to pick on me.
I stand to greet them, already feeling the tears brimming in my eyes. It had been decades since that night I lost them, too many years spent trying to forget that pain. I open my lips to apologize as my mother raises her hand, motioning me to an emotional silence.
"We forgive you... we have never blamed you for that night. Too many years you have held our deaths on your conscience. Too long have you felt the guilt at having survived when we did not. You had to protect your sister, and we willing gave our lives to save you because we loved you. "
The doors open again...
My father enters the room, his powerful stride quickly bringing him before me. His drow features prominent and proud upon his face, his snowy hair tied back with a simple leather thong. He stands for a moment studying me, then opening his arms to me. I quickly run to him, crying heavily as his strong arms wrap around me reassuringly. I can feel his cheek rest against the top of my head as he holds me to his leather armor. I can remember the nights he used to pull me into his lap, the scent of his leather surrounding me as he would spin tales of his recent battles. I remember how I would wait for hours on the fence at the edge of our lands, scanning the hills for the small speck that would end up being my father. He would sweep me up onto his horse, his arms protecting me as we would ride to greet my mother and younger sister.
"I am so proud of you, my little Alira. I saw the way you avenged our family and restored honor to the House of Drakrul. You have made me so proud, and know that I smiled with pride at each stroke of your blade. You proved that the honor of your House and your father were the most important thing to you... you truely are my daughter and one of my favored. "
He kisses my forehead and takes a step back, his arms sliding from me. I turn to look at them as they slowly begin to fade, their voices mingled as if carried on a unseen wind, "We are always with you, Alira... we always have been. We are proud of what you have done and the honor you have given your House. That honor was restored by you... may you rest in the peace you deserve... my sister... my daughter... my heir."
They faded away as I slowly walked back to my throne, a slight smile on my lips. A weight felt lifted from me, I felt more at peace with their deaths than my guilt had allowed me for these many years. I wasn't blamed, I wasn't shameful... I was loved. They loved me so much that they had given their lives to save my sister and I... and I had taken that choice and not disappointed them.
...I had made them proud.
Nascentes morimur - Part III
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Will I hold you again? |
Consciousness teases me, the driving hunger inside threatening to awaken me from my drug induced slumber. Phantom visions and voices from the room dance upon the edge of my dreams.
"Should we inform her family? Her sister, " the female voice trails off.
A long pause and then a low masculine voice answering, "Why trouble the living with the pains of those destined to die? Her sister will find out soon enough. We can not afford to draw attention, especially that which might cause... complications."
"Understood, Father... "
Adara...
"Ali... Ali... Cin ye hear me, Ali?" I lift my face from my hands, my eyes widening at the stark change of my surroundings. The alley where I grew up, a horrifying contrast to the pristine marble that had last graced my eyes. It had seemed but a breath before that I had laid my face in my hands and wept bittersweet tears at the fading of my parent's voices. I feel a gentle tug upon my tattered sleeve, my red eyes gazing down inquisitively at the deliverer.
Adara...
My eyes soften as I gaze upon her tiny body, the face of the six year old gazing back up at me with concern. Her voice, soft and sincere, "I's not mad at ye, sis... Ye tried ta protects mes from the memories..." Her large intelligent eyes studying my own with unnatural intensity, "Ye gave me a chance at a life I ne'er would have known... Ye were the closest thing ta a mother I ever had. Thank you.."
I can feel fresh tears stinging my cheeks, as I choke out a reply, "I am sorry that I 'ave nay been t'ere fer ye.. I wish I could 'ave fixed t'at... I tried tae give ye a good life..."
Adara shakes her head once, her accent exactly as I remember in her youth, "I's do not blame ye, Ali. Ye have seen things and done things that I do not envy ye for. It is not suprising after all ye've lived through that ye would pull away... I's not angry. Ye deserve yer rest. Fate will cause us to cross paths in the future... it is only a matter of time."
I smile slightly and nod, "I wish ye all the best, my Adara... I wish t'at ye find happiness, contentment and love w'ere I can nay. I am tired... a rest will be most welcome."
Her tiny hand reaches up, brushing against my cheek in a soft, tender touch of affection. She then jumps, her tiny hands clasping around my neck, pulling me with the weight of her young body. I wrap my arms around her, breathing in her scent deeply as I return the hug.
"I wish I could hold you again, " I say softly as I close my eyes, remembering the many times I had cradled my younger sister in my arms. I sought only wishing to protect her from the pain of reality, the pain of losing those that you love. So many years I struggled for her, the only thing keeping me going day after day was my dedication to her.
"I will always remember the way you protected me... even if unseen you will always be there to guard me..." Her voice begins to fade, I can feel my arms sinking into her tiny form and I know it is fading as well. "All your teachings, all your strength will live in me. Til the end of my days..., " I squeeze her one last time, my arms finally crossing and resting against my chest.
"...you will hold me."
Nascentes morimur - Part IV - Finale
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"Look at us spinning out in the madness of a rollercoaster |
"Alira.. you must wake up, " Lilian called softly, the hunger rousing me further. "I've fed you some in your sleep as best I could... you must wake for us now."
I tried to open my eyes, the candlelight stinging my eyes as they flicker open slowly to drink in the room around me. My body ached and burned, it felt as if the blood itself boiled within my veins. "We had hoped you would make it through this episode, but we fear you are close to passing. We thought you would like to see Portia beforehand, to help the child understand."
I nod slowly, the mere motion sending intense pain down my body. My throat felt parched, the call of thirst intense the more my mind shook off the recent dreams. I motioned for her to help me sit up, her bare hands feeling like ice against my skin. "I shall get her from the study, "Lilian replied softly. I settled against the abundant pillows, my eyes closing as I try to concentrate on what I must do.
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"The space between, where you smile and hide |
"Mommy?" Portia's soft voice thick with concern from the doorway. I open my eyes and look over, mustering a smile and trying to supress the fear of dying within.
" 'ello my beloved..." I motion her closer, her tiny body running immediatly at the welcoming motion. She scrambles upon my bed, snuggling upon my body as her arms cling to the blankets, daring death herself to rip her from me. "Sweetie... m.. mommy has to be leaving you soon...."
"No!.. No ..no mommy, you cannae leave me.. please donnae leave me..." she begins sobbing now, her voice shrill in fear.
"I donnae think I 'ave much choice in this, my precious lil' one..."
Portia scrambles down and runs over to Lilian, who is standing emotionless in the doorway. She begins pounding on her with tiny balled up fists, "Make her better! Make mommy better! You can do it..," a tiny sob wracks the young girl's body. "I know you can... fix her Nana... please, " the girl's crying increasing as the tiny fists slowly cease their battle as Lilian's steady hand gently strokes Portia's hair.
Alira's sad voice crooning over the sobbing, "Lil' one, donnae blame Lilian... if'n she could fix me, I'm sure she would. Come closer, it hurts mommy tae talk so loud."
Portia still crying, slowly walks over to the bed with a firm hand of coaxing from the silent Lilian. As I lift my hand, she lays her head beneath it and against my stomach. My hand gently pulls back her hair from her sticky face, humming gently. "When mommy finally sleeps, I want ye tae stay with Lilian an' yer grandfather. Promise me ye will."
"I... promise... "
"That's my good girl... I will always be with ye my love. If ever ye seek guidance call tae me an' I will answer in yer heart an guide ye. I love ye, more than life itself, my dear, sweet Portia. " I say softly. For several long minutes, I gently caress Portia's hair, humming softly... day falling into the calm embrace of night... the moon slowly rising above the home as if in final salute of a battle fought well.
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"Take my hand |
