One night, in Que's Tavern, a potential ranger walked through the door. Seeing her friend the self-proclaimed Legendary Ranger Tserim Arryth, she sat down for a little chat.
Tserim Arryth: Sadie did you ever decide if you wanted to be a ranger??
Sadie Malone: Oh
Sadie Malone: I figure, sure why not?
Sadie Malone: I don't really know what I'm doin though
Tserim Arryth: Oh well that's okay!
Tserim Arryth: I'm not trying to pressure you!
Sadie Malone: *shakes her head quickly*
Tserim Arryth: But you did seem interested before!
Sadie Malone: Oh no, you're not
Sadie Malone: I'm interested
Sadie Malone: Just... I think I need help knowing what I'm doin?
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: Who better to learn from than a legendary ranger??
Sadie Malone: *tilts her head slightly*
Sadie Malone: Legendary??
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Sadie Malone: Well... teach away then!
Sadie Malone: What do we do first?
Tserim Arryth: First thing you need to know about is a ranger's diet!
Sadie Malone: Ok
Tserim Arryth: There are a few important food groups..
Tserim Arryth: *counts on his fingers as he goes*
Tserim Arryth: Donuts..
Tserim Arryth: Pies...
Tserim Arryth: And cakes!
Sadie Malone: What are donuts?
Tserim Arryth: Only the greatest innovation in baked goods since sliced bread!
Sadie Malone: Hmm
Sadie Malone: How do I get these donuts?
Tserim Arryth: Galehaven had a steady supply of them!
Sadie Malone: Where's that?
Tserim Arryth: You may also acquire them from Lady Callista!
Tserim Arryth: In Olympus!
Sadie Malone: Uhm... where's that?
Tserim Arryth: North of Trinsic!
Sadie Malone: Ooo, ok
Tserim Arryth: Then you have your lower food groups
Sadie Malone: What are those?
Tserim Arryth: Such as dairy and meat
Sadie Malone: I like meat
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: Me too!
Tserim Arryth: Then you have your bottom and least important food groups
Tserim Arryth: Fruits, vegetables, and nuts!
Sadie Malone: Ohh
Tserim Arryth: Those are useful food groups if yuo have nothing else to eat!
Sadie Malone: I like fruit and some of my pets dotoo
Tserim Arryth: But I would recommend getting a steady supply of donuts, pie and cake whenever posible!
Sadie Malone: *nod nod*
Tserim Arryth: And be sure to get plenty of exercise!
Sadie Malone: Oh, I do that
Sadie Malone: Always running around
Tserim Arryth: Good!
Tserim Arryth: Me too!
Tserim Arryth: I run a lot!
Sadie Malone: Yea, I have to run to keep up with my pets
Tserim Arryth: That's good!
Tserim Arryth: I run to vanquish evil and defend Britannia!
Sadie Malone: Oh my
Sadie Malone: That's a good thing
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: Whatever movitates you!
Tserim Arryth: It's good to have motivation!
Sadie Malone: I uhm...
Sadie Malone: I'm not sure what my motivation is?
Tserim Arryth: What do you hope for Sadie??
Tserim Arryth: What is your goal in life??
Sadie Malone: Uhm... For my pets and me to be happy and healthy... for the world to be nicer... uhm...
Sadie Malone: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: That is good!
Sadie Malone: *smiles*
Tserim Arryth: That sounds like a good motivation to run!
Tserim Arryth: And your pets too!
Sadie Malone: *nods*
Sadie Malone: They eat a lot
Tserim Arryth: I'll bet!
Tserim Arryth: The next subject is ranger attire...
Sadie Malone: Ok
Tserim Arryth: *examines Sadie's armor*
Tserim Arryth: I see you're off to a good start!
Sadie Malone: Really?!
Tserim Arryth: Truly!
Sadie Malone: Yay!
Tserim Arryth: But it's missing something!
Sadie Malone: What's that?
Tserim Arryth: Remember, a good ranger does not fight smart... they dress smart!
Sadie Malone: Why don't they fight smart too?
Tserim Arryth: Er
Tserim Arryth: I meant to say, they *not only* fight smart
Tserim Arryth: *chuckles*
Sadie Malone: Oh!
Sadie Malone: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: They not only fight smart, but they dress smart!
Tserim Arryth: *smiles*
Sadie Malone: What does it mean t' dress smart?
Tserim Arryth: Fashionable! In a way that commands respects from your enemies and friends alike!
Sadie Malone: Hmm
Sadie Malone: *looks herself over*
Sadie Malone: Am I ... fashionable?
Tserim Arryth: Almost!
Tserim Arryth: What would really finish out the ensemble is a nice tunic!
Sadie Malone: Why's that?
Tserim Arryth: Something green! Or blue perhaps!
Sadie Malone: I like blue
Sadie Malone: *smiles*
Tserim Arryth: *nods and smiles*
Sadie Malone: Wouldn't that get too hot though?
Tserim Arryth: When your friends and enemies see you, they will think "oh! She means business!"
Tserim Arryth: Yes sometimes!
Tserim Arryth: You don't have to wear it all the time of course!
Sadie Malone: Oh...
Sadie Malone: *nods*
Sadie Malone: I have an apron thing I wear when I'm with the pets... something to wipe messes on
Tserim Arryth: An apron will certainly take you part way there!
Sadie Malone: *smiles*
Tserim Arryth: Next subject is... bathing!
Sadie Malone: Oh, I do that
Sadie Malone: *nod nod*
Tserim Arryth: How often do you bathe?
Sadie Malone: Uhm... daily?
Tserim Arryth: Oh!
Tserim Arryth: *seems surprised*
Tserim Arryth: That's much more than the minimum requirement!
Tserim Arryth: Very good!
Sadie Malone: Oh good
Sadie Malone: What's the minimum?
Tserim Arryth: Once a month of course!
Tserim Arryth: We're not animals after all!
Sadie Malone: Oh my...
Tserim Arryth: Sometimes it is necessary not to bathe!
Sadie Malone: Why?
Tserim Arryth: For example you may need to infiltrate the enemy ranks!
Tserim Arryth: One time I had to infiltrate a gang of ogres!
Tserim Arryth: I had to fit right in!
Sadie Malone: *wrinkles her nose up*
Sadie Malone: Eww
Tserim Arryth: So naturally, I ceased all bathing and adopted their practices
Sadie Malone: How... do you fit in with ogres?
Tserim Arryth: It was not easy, let me tell you!
Tserim Arryth: I had to pretend I was a baby ogre!
Tserim Arryth: Have you ever seen a baby ogre??
Sadie Malone: *shakes her head*
Sadie Malone: Nope
Tserim Arryth: They are stronger than a normal man!
Tserim Arryth: But seeing as how I am not just any man...
Tserim Arryth: *flexes his arm*
Tserim Arryth: I was able to convince them of my baby-ogre-like strength!
Sadie Malone: Well that's good
Sadie Malone: They could have smashed you!
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: It was most perilous!
Tserim Arryth: The worst part was the nursing!
Tserim Arryth: *shudders*
Tserim Arryth: But I do what I do... for Britannia!
Sadie Malone: Wait... what?
Tserim Arryth: Nursing! You know! Suckling on a mother's teat!
Sadie Malone: You... did that?!
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Sadie Malone: *makes a disgusted face*
Tserim Arryth: Ogre milk is like a spicy ale, let me tell you!
Sadie Malone: Just... ewwwww
Tserim Arryth: Thankfully ogre babies often have beards, so I was able to fit in even more!
Sadie Malone: Did... yer mission or whatever go well?
Tserim Arryth: It did!
Sadie Malone: That's good at least
Tserim Arryth: I caught the nasty ogre behind the evil deed!
Sadie Malone: Oh good
Sadie Malone: Do you have to do that often?
Tserim Arryth: Now of course that was a most irregular mission!
Tserim Arryth: Not at all!
Sadie Malone: Oh good
Tserim Arryth: But as a ranger, you could be called to such a task!
Sadie Malone: *nods slowly*
Sadie Malone: I understand
Tserim Arryth: To wear a hide diaper after having not bathed for a month, pulling a hair from your teeth..
Tserim Arryth: ..after a rigorous nursing session!
Sadie Malone: *looks disgusted and distraught*
Tserim Arryth: Such is the life of a ranger!
Sadie Malone: I... wouldn't be able to pull off a beard though
Sadie Malone: Maybe you should stick to the ogre infiltration
Sadie Malone: *nod nod*
Tserim Arryth: We could do it together!
Sadie Malone: Why not just catch the bad guys?
Tserim Arryth: I had to go undercover in order to catch the bad guys!
Tserim Arryth: Now don't get me wrong.. I would never do anything degrading!
Tserim Arryth: I would never do something that violates my conscience!
Sadie Malone: That's good
Tserim Arryth: But you certainly meet and even far exceed the bathing requirement! Very good!
Tserim Arryth: I think that covers it! You are now ready to be a ranger!
Sadie Malone: That's it?
Tserim Arryth: *nods*
Tserim Arryth: You're ready to begin!
Sadie Malone: *beams*
One Night, in Que's Tavern...
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